Full of crap
5:10 p.m. - 2004-10-17
Alot as changed over the past few weeks. No more storms, friends on edge and work sucking ass like always. I'm finding it hard to explain things right now. My mind is gone, my back is killing me and I'm on a emotional rollercoster for days now. I realize pain is part of life, but it's harder to handle when it all comes at once and you have no where to run. I'm tired of running to be honest with you. I have no choice but to take everything at once and ride it out on the razor blade edge. If I get cut, I'll bleed and if I bruise I'll be sore. It's all how things are going to go. How things are going to turn out at the end. Hell, it will determine where I'll up being at the end as well. Will I be in a city again or will I be on the road seeing the world. Who knows!
I'm tired of letting my fears run everything for me. I need to stop saying I am going to do something to only have my fears of failing mess it all up. I've always told that I just need to just do it. I want to go back to school, but I am so scared of failing and looking like a damn fool at the end. I know I shouldn't think that way, but I am. I am also scared of being alone. I am so ready to be in a real steady relationship. I have to now just find a guy that is right now for and only hope it wants the same. Any takers?! I'm just a mess and I am
tired of hurting. I tired of my help being turned away and having the feeling of not being wanted. I have a lot to offer. I guess I have to let people just come to me and stop going to them, eh?
Am I making any sense? I know I am rambling like a damn idoit. Having all these thoughts and fears, talking like a normal being is hard. So, I am going to cut this short by ending this here. I will update again soon, cause from the looks of it I am not going to be going out like I have been for alittle while. Later!
--Ally
Back - Forth
