I shall over come!
11:11 p.m. - 2004-10-20
So my mind as been on going a hundred miles per hour. Picking apart every little detail in my life right now. An coming to terms with things are a little hard, but I'm atleast getting to the point of knowing it's better knowing things now, then down the road. It only makes me a better person than I am now. I am proud of myself. I am not letting the pain get to me to much. I am trying to look on the bright side of things and know if it doesn't hurt as much as I thought it was, then it wasn't real and true as everyone thought. Lord knows, I have learned a very big lesson. I mean, be yourself, but careful who you do it around. I also come to terms with knowing I don't need anyone. I am who I am cause I made myself to be that way. An I don't give a flying rats ass what others think.
I am beautiful. I am smart and I am a fun loving person. I will be damned if I let people use me, lie to me and play head games with me after all the things I have done for them. Granted, I shouldn't listen to rumors. Which is why I did a little digging. Hell, I opened my eyes. An knowing all that shit has been going down around me and being the kind of person that I am, I like to give people chances. Benefit of the doubt, but when things happen repeatly. Then it's time to wake up and smell the coffee. You can only walk all over me for so long or play with my mind and heart for so long too. Cause then, it will result in me being who I do not wish to be. Cold, quiet, pissed off and a total heartless bitch. So being that things are on real thin ice with some people, I am waiting for them to flip the switch in me. An my wrath will be unleashed. Yea, I know, I should say something and tell them how I feel, blah blah blah. Thing is they know, and sorta don't care. Yea, tells me a lot.
I am going to be just fine. Yes, I am going to be hurting for awhile longer. Be bitter and pissed off. But I am a soul believer in the saying, "Time Heals all Wounds". Hell, I've been through worse so this should be a piece of cake to get through. An I want to get through this alone. If I can't fight my own battles, then I am just worthless. I am taking the chance to see if I don't have to rely on someone. I am not going to be needy and I am not going to ask for help. I am just going to go about my life and business. Keep to myself and get my life on track. I am going to let everyone fight, lie and hurt themselves. I'm going to sit back and keep my mouth shut. People heard what I had to say. Now they made the bed, they can lie in it. At the end, I'll find out who is my true friend and who really cares for me. If I stand alone, that's fine. There are plenty of true friends out there.
By God... I AM GOING TO BE OK!!!
Like a true friend of mine, outside of Wal-Mart said. I have to find out what I want and go for it. An that is what I am going to do. Been thinking about what I want all day and gave myself a damn headache in the process. Will be a while longer before I get everything sorted out. So, for now I am going to do what I love. Write poetry, play on my keyboard and my newest hobby, photograhy. People can call me, cause I am no longer their string they can pull, cause I have the knife that cut everyone off. For now, everyone can kiss my ass! :0)
Inclosing, things will fall into place. An now, I am going to end this with, it's time to talk to real people and then get some sleep. Afterall, I do have to work tomorrow. I will see you all in a few days. Laters!
--Ally
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