I am free
11:08 p.m. - 2004-10-31
Ahh, so here I am again. Feeling more sure of how my life is going to be. Meaning, who, what, how and where. Starting with the knowledge of not being in pain anymore. I just woke up a few days ago and all the pain and confusion was gone. Like, it was my bodys way of shutting everything that was harmful to me out. My thoughts now are on moving on with my life. Even if I am going at it alone. No friends or anything. It's a step that shows everyone and myself, I can do things on my own. All the things that went down over the past month or so really has taken a toll on my health. Not eating much, non-stop headaches and lack of sleep. No one is worth that much pain. Plus, I know I am a lot better than what gets dished out at work or anywhere else. So, I am not talking about it anymore nor am I thinking about it. I am comfortable with the fact of knowing that krama is going to kick EVERYONE involved in the ass and I hope they all know I am not going to be standing there at the end.
I am no longer going to sacrifice my heart, money and time on anything or anybody. My trust is not there right now. An I am taking it as, if people really give a damn about me and are a true friend, they'll find ways to win back my trust back. If they don't, then I know they never really cared and I don't have to worry about them hurting me anymore. As I've said many times before, I am a fighter. I might be down, but no one will ever knock me out. Something inside me finally realized my well-beinging is more important than some mindless dripple at a shitty company or hurtful things from other people. Granted, I am new at going at this alone, but I'm strong and can handle it. After all, I've been through much worse. So, now I am walking with my head up high. Smiling like I have no care in the world. That is how things are for me right now. An to make things clear, here is a run down on what's going to happen from here on out:
1.) I am no longer going to listen to anyone and careless what people think and say about me.
2.) Let go of my feelings for some people and realize, the pain that comes with it is not love.
3.) DON'T TRUST ANYONE ANYMORE!!
4.) I am going to move on with my life. An if people wish to be at my side, they have to make the effort of everything that is true and real when it comes to love and friendship, but I am not going to make promises, I will ever let anyone get that close again.
5.) I feel happier alone right now and with having a strong heart, will and soul...I will over come everything in do time.
6.) There is one person right now that is staying in my life. An HIM and I talk nightly on the phone and we are taking things very slowly. I am ok with that, and it makes easier for me to work on other things at the same time.
I am taking a stand right now, for myself. For once in my life, I am going to take what is rightfully mine and live. An if anything were to happen to me, I want people to remember me as someone who is a fighter and loves to help other people. Make a difference in someones life, better yet, seeing them smile from what I've done for them will complete me. Being the kind of person who loves to show they care and give love, I believe all things will be right in the world if you atleast help ONE person. AN THAT IS ME!
Think about it... afterall, all you need is love, laughter, and life to be happy.
XOXOXO
--Ally
Back - Forth
