Taking Control again!
7:02 p.m. - 2004-11-09
I feel naked. I feel like I've been turned inside out, to finally realize my limit with people and things. Like years of being hurt, gullible and scared finally opened my eyes to stand tall. Over the past, 2 weeks I have taught myself that it's ok to be harsh with people and still be a sweet, caring person. Learning from my mistakes, to finally catching on to what people do to me is a refreshing start. Like, I am growing into my skin with a new look on life. It's ok to be hurt, it's ok to express how I feel and to not take what people say to heart to much, specially if it's ok of anger or pain. Be more open to my flaws and mistakes. An to admit my mistakes to apologize for my actions. I never was able to do that before. What I am must proud of is that, I face my pain now and not dig it deep with inside.
I come to terms with the fact that I meant to be a happy person. To make a difference in someone elses life and to give love that you only read about in fairy-tales. I might not be a super model or rich, but I have a lot to offer. I am comfortable with who I am, and with the things I do, is no one elses business. I can live with that and not worry so much about what everyone says behind my back. I'm finally happy with who I am. An you all have no idea how that feels. You look at things differently and with a open mind. So overall, I am a beautiful person. I am not perfect and I will make mistakes. I will no longer, try to fit in or live up to someone elses dream. I might not trust alot of people right now, so having alot of friends in my life right now is not a big deal. I like being alone right now.
Anyway...
Today I've done the must cleaning I have done in WEEKS. I literally cleaning from top to bottom in my room. Then I did the bathroom the same way. I figured since I will be having a busy work schedule for the next few weeks, I better get things done now while I have two days off. An tomorrow I am going to wash my car and clean out my closet. Now that alone if going to take me up to 4 to 6 hours. Which is ok, cause mom is going to help. She been dieing to do my cloest. It looks like a bomb went off and I never cleaned up afterwards. I was really hoping to rest on my two days off, but the next to days off in the row I have will be when my sister is here, and I want to spend it with my sister.Besides, my step-grandparents flew in on Sunday from Germany. Gotta love snowbirds. It's the way I know it's the holidays are here, my grandparents come home.
Anywho...I am going to go shower. Rest in front of the tube and then speak with the love of my life on the phone. I should be back in a few days. Be good!
OH if you are against the war in Iraq and against the draft, click here for more information and to help out the cause.
--Ally
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