Still alive
9:01 p.m. - 2004-12-01
So, my sister arrives tomorrow. Her flights lands at 10:30 PM. An to get everything ready for her visit, I basically attacked my room and redid it completely. Granted, it got me to really clean my room out a bit. I really wanted to just rest today. But I couldn't cause I work tomorrow and then we are throwing a 27th B-day for my sister on Friday and I have to work 8-5 that day too. Then, after having good food, laughs and beers I again have to get up at buck crack of dawn again for work at 6 a.m on Saturday. Then to only come home at 5 to right away leave again with my sister to head to Gainsville to see her old college buddies. It's going to be a long few days. I'm already dead tired, cause I am so stressed out and tried from trying to get things done before tomorrow. An believe or not, I am still not completely ready for her visit either.
Plus mom and "step-father" are going at it, so it makes it seem all even more stressful. I get yelled at for saying how I feel to feeling like not doing something. It's hard to please anyone right now. So, to add onto everything else, it's going to be a tense, emotional few days. I honestly don't know how I can handle anymore you know? I'm at my end of biting my tongue. I still have to go Christmas shopping. I also have to add in the factor of still getting hurt by people. I'm really at the boiling point of really ready to explode. So, I am keeping my distance from people and just letting things go. I do my best to calm down or to for get by taking hot bath, drinking tea, reading. An yea, I know it's only putting a bandaid on the problem. I can only do so much until I can get myself out of this hell hole.
I know what I am capable of doing. Doing what I feel so damn strongly about. Music, travel, and helping others. But something is in the way and I don't know what it is. Some parts of me thinks that it's all about timing, you know? That I will reach my dreams. I will be truely happy (besides from being with my boyfriend) with my reasons on these earth when my time comes. That just right now, I have to go through hell and back to really see what this world has to offer. I know I am a sweet person. A smart, caring, fun person. But not all of me will come out until I get over some of my flaws and again, it's all about timing. I will be sucessful, happy and content when everything falls into place.
I am taking the phrase, "taking things one step at a time" to heart. I need to work on my health right now, cause I have been feeling weak, tired and tighting of the body a lot lately. I dunno, I am rambling right now, cause I have nothing else to say, so I am going to go soak myself in a hot bath. See you all later!
--Ally
Back - Forth
