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My boyfriend. My friends. My music. Poetry. My family. Eating chocolate. Life. Cats. Computers. Thunderstorms. Being myself.Sex.
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Liars. Cheaters. Stupid people. Working for Wal-Mart. Posers. Brittney Spears. Hilary Duff.People who call themselves your "friends" when they are not.Traffic.
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The Diary
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Totally Confused. You the feeling you get when you are just exhausted with your daily routine and want to pull your hair out or drink yourself until you are over the toliet?! Well, I feel that way. Of course, with being tired all the time, I can't get myself to get the booze or to pull out my hair. Which is pretty sad. So I am stuck in this cycle of endless hell and its making me go even crazier. I just can't wait for my vacation next month. I'll be so out of here. I am going to relax on the beach atleast one time. Sleep until I can't sleep any futher. An celebrate my birthday with friends, just having fun and kicking back. Must of all, having one on one time with Matt on our one year anniversary. I am telling you. The rush of feelings I am going to have on that day is going to be memorable. To see Matt dressed up for the frist time, exchanging gifts and to just have a romantic evening is going to be classic. To be able to slow dance with him and to look in his deep blue eyes is going to take my breath away, like I just got punched in the stomach. I can't wait to see him dressed up. He'll be my prince charming, but at midnight I will not run away like cinderalla. I'll stay right there in his arms. There should be pictures too, and I'll show you all. I hardly NEVER wear a dress, so its a picture taking night. Otherwise, I'm feeling distanced from people and even with myself. I can't ever get myself to do something unless I have too, like going to work. Things like, going to the tanning bed, but never getting there cause I make myself think that I need to go and when the time comes I back down. I dunno, maybe I am just confused. Whatever it is, I hate it. I flat out hate it. I really wish I can get myself to do something fun, alone. An not with family and friends. I want to treat myself to the tanning bed or the gym, but I never do. It's starting to make me think there is something wrong with me. Arg!! I guess that is something I really have to work on. Myself. I know I already changed from the way I was a few months/years back. I have grown up. More than some people wished. I mean, what the hell am I suppose to do? Stay the kind of person that gets in envolved in the he said, she said bullshit?! I don't think so. That stuff is all high school and sorry I gradutated from high school 3 years ago. Granted I did for about a year or so, with some old freinds (key word there, OLD freinds), but now nothing. O'well. I am going to go eat now. I will speak with you all later. --Ally |