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The Diary
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Beyond what I can do.... I don't know if it's stress or the fact I am over reacting on things. I can't seem to do anything right. I keep getting in some kind of agrument with my mom and her boyfriend over "my" car. Things need to be fixed on it, and I am stuck with the damn bill. The twist is, by law the car belongs to my mom's boyfriend. He doesn't drive anymore so he gave it to me, but never got it legally done. So, if I ever get pulled over it looks like I stool it. But that is beside the point. The bill my car runs up on the fixing it can go into the hundreds. An I will not get help. I know I am sounding like a selfish person, but that is not really my car. Yes I drive it, yes I will do some repairs, but if it's really expsensive, I shouldn't have to pay for ALL of it. Is what I saying make sense? My car is old, very old. Over 12 years old to be exact. Yes I know I need to get oil changes every 2 months and check all fluids every week and I do that. But my mother makes it sounds like I am fucking up her boyfriends car on purpose. That I am not a being responble. That only makes me mad and hurt my feelings. Now Matt is getting all the parts I need to get it all fixed up. I'll just need to drive it to Orlando tomorrow and ALL day Wednesday my car will be in the shop. I feel bad and quilty that Matt as to do all this things so I can stop being upset. I am greatful for all the things he does, but now I feel like I have to make it up to him some how. He says I don't have to, and that he is glad to help, but I am going to repay him back somehow. *sighs* I think I made up my mind on what I want to do with my life. First step is, moving out in January then go to school and get a good job. My mother and I are at our ends of fighting, that when do fight now it last 15 minutes and when just ignore each other for a little bit, then forget anything happen when something did and we just don't want to face it. Which could lead to something worse down the road. Besides I need to try to be on my own anyway. I am 22, it's time. I am just so stessed out right now in my life that I just don't give a shit anymore about anything. I could be a witness in a high school drama shit at work and all I would do is point and laugh, even though a good friend got hurt. Sounds sick I know, but what else am I do to? I am tired, I work alot and under paid. I need vacation, hell I need to win the lottery and forget all the pain that my mind and heart feels. The only thing I have going for me are my few good friends, Matt and my sister. That is it. Anyway... I would love to keep opening up myself like this, but I need to get myself to bed cause I have to be up early in the morning for work and then after work drive an hour in a half to Orlando. An I really don't want too... arg.. So I am going to grab my beer and head for bed. Night. --Ally |