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Loves
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My boyfriend. My friends. My music. Poetry. My family. Eating chocolate. Life. Cats. Computers. Thunderstorms. Being myself.Sex.
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Hates
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Liars. Cheaters. Stupid people. Working for Wal-Mart. Posers. Brittney Spears. Hilary Duff.People who call themselves your "friends" when they are not.Traffic.
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Reads
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The Diary
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An it continues... Ever more... (To understand what I am about to talk about, read this frist.) I feel hungry and it's not for food either. I yarn for the understanding of his touch and warm words he had to tell me while holding me so close. I can be told that it is a lesson to learn, but having that deep of a connection there as to be more to it than a lesson to be learned. I know with every fiber of my body, there is more than what my dreams are letting me on to know. So, I am left to run in circles trying to answer my own questions. Of course, I have that fear of always being wrong. What if I am? What if there isn't anything else but what the dream is telling me? I was told that to take this as a sign and a big validation for myself and to heath what I am capable of and of what I am. One thing I do have to do is find the answers within myself and to stop asking so many questions, knowing they/he won't tell me. It's not that they can't tell me, it's the fact, I have to learn for myself. Learn the difference of what is real and what is not. The more I understand, the more I feel comfortable with the idea of it all. Yet there is that fear that creeps up in my mind, the big "what if"!? I can try to find the answers by ignoring the dreams I had. Which is something that can't be done. God only knows I tried so many times within the past 4 days to try to make sense of it all and for what the dreams meant, but I fall back to the feeling he left me in when I wake up. I feel so complete and so full of life. Warm and most of all safe. I was once told by an old friend that, there is something more to me than I know and give myself credit for. He said, "You are a very wise person. There is more to you when you take the ones who are family to you and give your life for. Your special. Never forget that." All this is making me feel I will be ok. That someone will always be with me no matter what I do with myself and my life. I know that if I feel comfortable and understand the rules my mind and body can give out, I can't be touched. An if what my old friend said is true, then the future will only inhance what I already have. That every emotion in my body will double, every feeling I would get will double. It's amazing how I feel like I know I am not alone, yet I am alone walking the path. *sighs*... I think I am going to go fry alittle of my wisdom on watching the television. Then only hope he will be in my dreams again, as I drift of to sleep. Night everyone. --Ally |