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My boyfriend. My friends. My music. Poetry. My family. Eating chocolate. Life. Cats. Computers. Thunderstorms. Being myself.Sex.
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Liars. Cheaters. Stupid people. Working for Wal-Mart. Posers. Brittney Spears. Hilary Duff.People who call themselves your "friends" when they are not.Traffic.
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The Diary
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What to talk about?! hmmm... Here I am...it's midnight and I am up writing another entry. Am I bored? Maybe. Am I tired? No, not really. So, I have to ask myself, what do I want to talk about? I actually do have a lot on my mind, that is just itching to come out. If only I can find the words. Hell, I would really need to sort out the topics before I nit-pick things and spill all the beans. So, where should I start? I could start with my stands with a few friends or the growing feelings for a certain someone I have grown close with. It could be the feeling of finally having a lot of the stress of the past few months coming undone and that I am finally free. Oh hell.. I just do everything. I have no clue how things are going with Megan. I love the girl to death and I known her for so damn long. I want her in my life no matter what. Just as of lately things again became diffcult so we haven't spoken for atleast a week now. I miss her. An even though I can't be in her wedding the way her and I wanted, I feel in ways I am losing her. Maybe to her new life, being that she just finished school and would be getting a great job or the fact, she gained so many close friends. I dunno, call it jealous or something. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of how far she has gotten and with finally having all these nice new people she has to get to socialize with, but what about US? What about the 9 years of very strong, yet rocky friendship. Megan is family to me, and no matter how rough things get, she knows I am here 24/7. Granted, I don't make it easy to be around sometimes or the fact, I haven't try to make contact with her as of lately myself. So, this works both ways. I am not knocking my life here in the boonies. It's so peaceful and quiet, that just going back to the city would just hurt my ears right now. An I do have great friends here that I socialize with and go out with. There is Tina, my sister, my wonderful close friend. She might be young, but she acts older than she actually is. We grown closer over the past month or so, cause I am her maid of honor in her wedding. Then there is Ryan and "K". Ryan as you all know, is my like my brother. Heh, he actually acts like family. An lastly, there is "K". He is a pain sometimes, but when eat lunch together at work, he is a good listener when I need to rant and he gives me hugs when I need it. An dispite his crush on me, he is a sweetie. Plus, then I have my online friends (got to love them too). Speaking of crushes. I have a growing crush on someone no one expected me to have a crush on. I just feel a deep connection with him. The understanding and heart that is involved makes me really happy to know that real love is out there. Not in like childhood crushes and high school games. He is more real than any other guy I ever have dated. He is so perfect to me, that I am actually scared to tell anyone about him. Even to reveal his real name (even though he askes to keep his name out). I want to keep him as a secert. To have him in my world and not in anyone elses. I am not scared to lose him, cause I know for a fact he is not going anywhere. Only for the fact, I've grown on him too. We're not dating, just taking things slow and I'm loving every minute of it. I am truly, actually happy and I for once, don't give a rats ass what others think this round either. If they are a true friends, they would support me no matter the lack of information I give. I know I am making it sound like, I am never going to bring him to light, but I just want to be sure this is it. Make sure he is the one, before I "bring him home". God, knows when that is. Anyway... I am going to close this with, asking everyone why they have not sign my damn guestbook? :0) Come on, please! I promise to return the favor the moment I have the chance. An that I will update again once more before next Tuesday and Wednesday, cause of Tina's wedding. An yes, I will promise you pictures and lots of details. Until then... Toodles. --Ally |