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Loves
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My boyfriend. My friends. My music. Poetry. My family. Eating chocolate. Life. Cats. Computers. Thunderstorms. Being myself.Sex.
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Hates
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Liars. Cheaters. Stupid people. Working for Wal-Mart. Posers. Brittney Spears. Hilary Duff.People who call themselves your "friends" when they are not.Traffic.
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Reads
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The Diary
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What I want..and need to do. I've been thinking... I come to realize, I am ready to move back in on the dating curcit. I miss the feeling of having someone next to me or the ability to wake up next to him and kiss him good morning. Even the feeling of having a partner to spend the day with. Even if it's just to bullshit all day or to actually do something. I miss the taste of a kiss, when he quickly swoops me in his arms and romantically make me weak in the knees. An most of all, I miss the hot, steamy, sweaty, passionate sex. I just miss loving a guy in gerenal. An yes, there are a few guys in my life that I care about deeply for. But there is one that just makes me feel utterly, complete. I kept him quiet from everyone expect from my good friend Paul. But even Paul still knows very little. He just knows that I have a huge crush on someone and what kind of guy he is. I haven't yet, said his name to Paul or anyone. I like keeping it this way, makes me feel like I am taking care of myself for once and not worry about other people would say or think. I mean, even if people do not like the one I am falling for, the love I will get out of him will be once in a life time. An I am not kidding. He and I are on the same deep level that I never been with a guy before. The friendship, the understanding, the connection and the one bond is something I will die to keep strong. I know I must sound crazy. Like I am getting myself into something that I am not seeing so clearly. Well, that is why him and I are taking things slow. To be sure things are the way we BOTH feel and want things to happen. I mean, it's the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you meet someone and the feeling never leaves. It wants to grow and turn into something amazing. An in all honesty, I am ready to settle down. I am ready to committ to one person, to give him my all. To ignore all the he said, she said crap and be an adult that I am, and be with the person I am going to be with for the rest of my life. I've been through crappy relationships. Some were full of mind games and verbal abuse to just me not being on the same level with them. I've been cheated on, lie too, used, broken, and then some. An I am only 22. Now I am just at the stage in my life, that I can safely say I've been through it all. I know what I want, I know what I need and I know how to get it. I now just have to remember not to fall into my old ways. Break the cycle of bad relationships. Grow out of my shell and be happy. I'll just have to take the bull by the horns and hold on for the ride I guess. Love isn't a game anymore. I am ready to live my life that I suppose to lead. There is a new me and a selected few see my loyalty already. Like a friend told me, I have to work on #1 and worry about the rest later. So, work on myself first and then going out and settling down. Which means, I need to stop stressing out and worrying about others...and start eating some more. My weight loss is even getting the attention from people I don't even speak with. Hell, even my friend Paul calls me a "bonerack". Shit, I have to get new cloths. I have to wear everything with a belt. An I am running out of holes on my belt. Getting the picture? Anyway.. I better get going. I need to write a e-mail or two and then I am off to bed. I should try to get some decent sleep. Blah. Talk to you all later. --Ally |