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Loves
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My boyfriend. My friends. My music. Poetry. My family. Eating chocolate. Life. Cats. Computers. Thunderstorms. Being myself.Sex.
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Hates
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Liars. Cheaters. Stupid people. Working for Wal-Mart. Posers. Brittney Spears. Hilary Duff.People who call themselves your "friends" when they are not.Traffic.
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Reads
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The Diary
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Are they real or fake? I come to terms with the way I am now. The ability to ignore all the high school childish bullshit and fouce on the reality and truth on matters. I even get told I've gone cold. No, I just don't care about people as much as I use too. Specially if trust wasn't all there to begin with, I could care less about the person. Even was told that things do bother me. I thought about it. An it depends on what is suppose to bother me. Other than that, no. I've just grown tired of being walked over, lied too, told I have done God knows what and used. If I don't trust you, don't expect me to save your ass even if I was the ONLY ONE who could. If your not going to do it for me, don't expect shit from me. I am sick and tired of helping people out and get jack in return. An now I am teaching myself to only help the ones that I know would do the same for me. Otherwise, the rest can walk right past me and look for someone else to cry on. I am not going to waste my time, enegry, and heart on people if I don't get something in return. Now in some cases, getting a thank you is enough. It's those times that takes up my time and being a loyal enough to keep what we are talking about private and give you my shoulder to cry on so you can rant and rave. Ask for advice and opinions. If I go that far for you, I expect you to be there for me when I am in the slumps like that. It's all out of respect and loyality. If you don't return the favor, says a lot about your character and people will not trust you as much as you would like. Better yet, care for your heartless ass again. I will never understand how people can be so selfish and expect you to always be there for them when all they want is you to make them feel better, then when you do they drop you like shit. It's wrong. Granted, I did that to two people in my life and now I know it feels. One is still talking to me and the other one, well she...nevermind. Don't really care. I'm shocking myself saying that, but it's the way I feel right now. I learned a lot about respect, loyality and friendships over the past 3 months. I am a good person, and yes I have flaws, who doesn't? Just makes me wonder who all in my past actually was a friend. Makes me wonder if I ever had a real friend, even if the friendship went well. Was it all lies? It's all really got me to think. An I chose to be really careful with people from here on out. I must sound really paranoid right now, but my walls are up. I am going to numb myself to the point where I will not give a shit what is thrown at me. Even Paul is going to have a hard time cracking me. Lord knows he tried to lastnight. Of course, knowing him he would deny that. But that is just Paul for ya. He is a good guy when he lets you see all his colors, but there always be this mistrusting he'll have with you, no matter if don't give him a reason too or not. He'll simply just not care. Of course, going this round with him, I prepared myself from the very start. I was a friend when he needed one, and now just like him, I don't give a two shits. Don't get me wrong, I'll always have some respect for him and remain loyal (an Paul will know what I am talking about). I don't hate him, we just clash to much. I am a bitch, he is an asshole. Plain and simple. So, I think from here on out. I am going to stick with three friends that I've been closest with and the rest will can kiss my ass. I can't trust the rest. They done things to me that I wouldn't do to my worse enemy. Hmm, I must sound alittle bitter. I'm just letting go of all the shit that bothered me and start new. Cause personally, I think that is what getting me to stop eating. All the crap that happened to me or what I've done to other people is finally eating me apart on the inside. Oh course I could be wrong, but letting everything go now makes me feel better. I actually ate twice today and that right now is big. I do have longs ways to go though, but with the help of 3 of my closest friends, I'll be fine. Anyway.. I am going to end this here. I know I am going to get backlashed for this entry, but I really don't care. I'm going to go get into bed, read and hopfully have a peaceful night sleep for once. Then get up tomorrow and talk to my crush on AIM (Yes, I got him to download it teehee). I will catch you all on the flip side! PEACE!
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