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My boyfriend. My friends. My music. Poetry. My family. Eating chocolate. Life. Cats. Computers. Thunderstorms. Being myself.Sex.
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The Diary
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Gone Overboard. I don't even know why, I even update in this thing anymore. Saddly, no one is around to talk too at the moment, so the world as to do. I am now on vacation from work. A whole week off and being paid in the process. My frist paid vacation. It's sweet. The sour look on things is the fact, I should be with my crush right now, but for some reason, he dropped off the face of the earth. No calls, no reasons, nothing. Now it left me feeling completely lost and feeling alone. An I am not going to lie, it hurts like hell. An there is nothing I can do either. I try calling him many of times and e-mail him a few times. Still nothing. The last time we spoke was over a week ago and our conversation at the time went great. Laughing and planning my visit. I don't know if it's me, or he done something and ran the other way. I have no fucking clue. I try so hard not to let this get to me. An more I try, harder it is. Cause I know, he is not the kind of guy to leave me hanging like this. He would tell if I done something wrong or if he had to cancel my visit, he would let me know that too. Just in this case, it's like he is gone without a trace. Shit, even if there was another girl, please for the love of God, tell me. Don't leave me feeling alone and confused. Oddly enough, I feel pain, but I am not angry. If I only could have one phone call, a chance to have questions answered and to get a few things off my chest. Then and only then, will I start to move on or try to fix whatever problem there is. He is always in my head. Every song I hear, every couple I see, every promise I hear a guy tell a girl, or I hear his name I think of him. I think about our conversations, the things that were said. I am left to wonder, are they all lies? I can't fouce to read my books or even do my writings. My mind is really on a overload and my heart is lost. I don't know what to do. I took this week off to see him, and I can't. Do you all know how painful that is for me?! If you all knew how things are different inside me when he is around. How my feelings for someone are stronger than I ever had for anyone. I'm going to sound crazy for saying this, but it's like I can feel him. So much so, that I can almost taste his kiss and feel his skin on mine. Literally, driving me crazy. I can almost picture him standing infront of me wanting me to get closer to him. Someone told me, what I feel is what you call real love. A really rare love, yet it's rejected. Talk about ouch. Anywho.. I have no idea what I am going to do for my vacation now. Either go see my sister for a few days in Seattle with my close friend Ryan or go to New York for a few days, catch a play or two and take some great photos, then come home. I dunno. Ryan and I will talk tomorrow when we go shopping. I really need to pamper myself to a new look. Get a haircut, a new outfit or two, hell maybe even get a massage. I'm a strong and intelligent person, I'll figure something out. Either way, I'll keep you all posted. If I go out of state after all, I'll update again before I leave. If not, you'll hear from me still. Right now, I am a mess. An that I need to get myself together. I'll catch you all later. --Ally P.S. Being that I have now time on my hands, the new cast page should be up real soon. Oh and please do sign my guestbook. I need all the love I can get. :0( |