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My boyfriend. My friends. My music. Poetry. My family. Eating chocolate. Life. Cats. Computers. Thunderstorms. Being myself.Sex.
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Liars. Cheaters. Stupid people. Working for Wal-Mart. Posers. Brittney Spears. Hilary Duff.People who call themselves your "friends" when they are not.Traffic.
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The Diary
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Starting Over Everything was going fine until Sunday night. My Sunday started with the a gumpy morning smile that I get every morning and I processed to have my coffee and breakfast. Then getting ready and waiting for Ryan to show up cause we had spa appointments. Him getting his hair done and hands, me getting my hands and feet done. Which later on in the day I got my hair trimed. Then we came home. About three hours or so later, still in a good mood I went to check my e-mail. An then my world came apart and my feelings went completely down the crapper. I got a e-mail from my guy saying that, "I can't do this anymore." and that, "You didn't do anything wrong, it's me" and here is the kicker, "You are a good person and you can do much better than me." "I wish you all the best in life." "I'm really sorry." You have to understand at this point, I was freaking out. I can swear to you my heart stopped at some point. I tried calling him, almost like an obessed crazy person, but he won't pick up the phone. I tried to keep e-mailing him and he'll only reply in small short answers. In his other e-mails, he just replies with, "I do love you, but it went from romantic to friendship." He is basically saying, I am no longer his type and I am not good enough to be his girlfriend. Oh the pain, of getting stabbed in the back and going striaght through to the heart is beyond words. I was scared, felt alone, crying and just flat out in shocked cause this came out of no where, cause on Saturday night, we were fine, so I thought. We even said, "I love you" to each other and hung up. An with what he is saying, tells me he felt this "friendship" feeling for atleast a week or two, maybe more. Which means, everything from then to now, was nothing but lies. He swears he wasn't lieing, and that his promises are no longer vaild. You have to understand, that we planned to live together by the end of the year, travel together, everything! An he rips that from me, cause he feels like he doesn't love me as a girlfriend. An he swears up and down that he feels this way and nothing can change that.
As of today, waking up after a good night sleep and thinking about everything. I'm working out my thoughts of anger and pain. I told myself that I will get over this and I will be ok. It's his lose, not mine. He made the mistake of leaving and even with all his strength of it having to be this way, he will one day regret it all. I know that sounds cocky. But if he really truly loved me, like real true love, he'll miss me, feel stupid about leaving, hell even maybe try to come back. It might not be soon or in 5 months from now, but he will feel stupid about leaving, specially when he looks at his new girlfriend and thinks, she is not Ally. She doesn't understand me as well as Ally did. I know what you all are thinking, that this is just my pain talking and that he doesn't feel that. An maybe your right or maybe I am. Afterall, he did tell me once that I was the one. Only time can tell.
I'll be on haitus for about a week or so. If anything happens between now and then, I will let you all know. --Ally
P.S.S He'll always be the love of my life. |